This post might be a little cliché, unimportant or random: but I just thought that I should write down the thoughts I’ve been having about this blog, the things I write and share, and you, as the reader.
This blog is now three and a half years old. Looking back on my entire life up to this point, those three years have been the most turbulent, painful, confusing and lonely years I’ve been through. Maybe that was why I started this blog at the beginning. A young, lonely writer who longed to have a voice in the world. I would come here and share thoughts on my own life, poems and short stories I’ve written recently, and share some random life updates and ideas. I began to blog half a year before the two years of “teenage rebellion” I went through(and repented of, thank God!), and now one and a half years, I’ve grounded myself back in the Word of God.
If you’re one of those readers who’ve stopped by and read through the posts every now and then, you’ve joined me on the journey I’ve just briefly touched on—and I thank you for reading and responding to my thoughts. Each of your comments meant a lot to me.
And that concludes the introduction to what I’m about to say.
(This is a long post, and I would not be offended if you decide to stop reading before reaching the end. I would greatly appreciate it if you do, though! The post might be less confusing to you that way.)
Here are the confusing, sincere thoughts I’ve been thinking through…
First: I’ve spent the past few months working through many different things—it all started with a theological debate with a person who has become a great friend of mine—that has had me rethinking many things I’ve taken for granted. The list is exhaustive: the topics are either vague, unconventional, personal, or all of the above: and the conclusions I’ve reached cannot be just shared with just anybody(read: can just write on this blog). The main question I’ve been working through is this: What is Truth? And, What must I do in light of that truth?
The conclusions I’ve reached are not what I’ve wanted or expected them to be, but I cannot fight against the truth—God’s truth, God’s authority, God Who is the Ultimate Truth. So I’m challenged to trust, to think, to change, to act.
Second: I’m entering a new chapter in my life. Those who know me in real life might roll their eyes at this, and I’m glad they’re willing to participate in that sort of physical exercise—I happen to be a passionate promoter of healthy movement.
During my search for truth and righteousness, and reaching conclusions about life, God and so much more, I’ve been shown a clearer picture of my lifework, or calling, or vocation. (Now, just to be clear: that search for truth never stops. I’m just saying that to give you some point of reference.) And not just a more definite, clearer picture of my lifework, but also the changes I must make in my approach to, and view of, life and all its various parts, the way I live my life day-to-day, and my next steps into the future.
Speak about new chapters! I’m going to finish my BA in Communications in two months. I’ve picked up new hobbies and ideas that are quickly becoming passions and “areas of interest” which take over my mind (and sanity sometimes, I must admit), and fill it with all kinds of dreams, thoughts and ideas. I have begun, and plan to begin, study, preparation, certification and action in different and various fields I’ve never thought I would even think of pursuing seriously. But here I am. A lot of hard work, challenges, and unknowns before me, but I know Who holds tomorrow and my hand. And I’ll continue walking, dancing, jumping, climbing and running down this path called Life with the Author and Finisher of my faith.
This brings me to the third point: In light of all this, what is my responsibility to my blog readers? As I’ve noted above, I cannot share the majority of what I think, believe and read about because it would not be fair for many fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. If you haven’t figured it out yet, my views on most things are conservative and even radical: if one knows me well, one might even tag me as a conspiracy theorist for my interest and beliefs in ideas, concepts, beliefs and thoughts that many, including most Christians, would dismiss out-of-hand or label as heretical or simply insane or unnecessary. As my wise sister said to me yesterday: “If everything that’s not mainstream is part of some conspiracy theory, then everyone should be a conspiracy theorist.” Everyone must learn to think for him/herself. Thinking is a difficult, long-last art. But it’s more crucial now than ever that Christians use their God-given intellect to seek for the truth and fight for it.
What then do I say? I don’t want this blog to be a little evangelist-wannabe site, which it seems to be leaning towards at the moment. I also don’t want to share too much of my personal life on the internet(no offense to my readers: it’s a matter of personal privacy and safety online). I don’t want this blog to be a collection of random, half-baked thoughts on life and God: I might be being hard on myself, but I do cringe reading what I’ve written here the past two, three years. I also don’t want this site to be a collection of mediocre poems and cheesy short stories.
Thus, I have decided to leave off posting on this site.
I would keep this blog open on the internet—I pray that its contents would bless readers who might stumble across it—but I would be closing this chapter of my life. I hope that you understand that I’m not doing this to make a scene or to spite anyone. I believe it is the right thing for me to do, from here onwards. It has been an amazing journey, a wonderful experience, a joy and blessing to write, post, and share my life with y’all: but God is calling me to serve Him in other ways, and I cannot do otherwise.
I know I have friends who come to this blog and keep in touch with me this way: you know who you are, and I am thankful for each one of you. I wish you each all the best as you continue to seek His face, and follow after righteousness. I pray for each of you every day. Thank you for your faithful reading, for your thoughtful and encouraging comments, for joining me on this journey of life the past few years, for helping me feel less lonely when I most needed someone to listen to my thoughts. In some ways, this blog has helped me grow and develop in many different ways—which is amazing, because I’ve never expected that to happen, but what a blessing it has been!
Now I must wrap things up.
Thank you so much for reading this confoundedly long post! I appreciate that more than words can say.
And now I must say…
God bless you.