Ode To Joy

I’ll have more serious posts coming out after I finish a few things I have going on right now: look out for surprising and unexpected posts next week.

(Like this one.)

Enjoy the puns! 😛

• Driving is a wreck-creational activity.
• I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
• If you run in front of a car you’ll get tired, but if you run behind the car you’ll get exhausted.
• English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
• An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
• A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage…. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
• The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
• I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
• An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”
• A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”
• A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The logician says, “Yes.”
• C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, no minors.”
• A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”