Ode To Joy

I tried to write a couple of blog posts the past two weeks. Ended up deleting each of them halfway through. Ended up…writing one to explain why there had been a pause.

Something was missing.

I guess it’s because I’ve been working through a lot of things the past week or so. Things that I’ve done wrong. Things that were not exactly wrong, but not exactly right either. Things that got me confused. Things that tied me to this world instead of pointing my thoughts heaven-ward. Things that I need to do better, but wasn’t sure how, or when. Things I had to put down in order to be more like the person God has created me to be, that He’d ransomed me to be, that He has called me to be.

And trust me, coming to grips with those issues was not easy.

Realizing that you’re not perfect is somewhat harder to internalize than pointing that condemning finger at someone else.

Admitting that you’re flawed and in need of help is humbling.

But really changing your ways and committing to walking on “higher ground” is the really hard part. Because not only does it mean not doing something that you’re not supposed to, it also means–in my case–to change the way you’re doing things, or to do something different altogether.

Sometimes I reach a point where I feel that I’m at peace with everything. I’m confident that I’m doing the right things. My relationships are all working out the way I want them to. My schoolwork’s all going well. Work is going good.

It’s like that green pasture in life you come across sometimes.

But then God reaches down and shows you yet another flaw that He’s going to push you to change. He’s going to show you something that He is unsatisfied with in your life, and guides you–sometimes gently, sometimes not so much–back to His path for you.

That’s where I’m at right now, in various aspects of my thought life and life, in general.

So yeah. The silence wasn’t golden, nor was it intentional. But God’s been molding me, and in that, He’s been loving, gentle, but firm.

And I thank and praise Him for His hand in my life every day. 🙂